Tell Me What's On Your Mind!
Updated: May 17, 2020
I was out walking with my husband yesterday, and there was something about the energy of the day- the sun, the temperature, the people that were wandering the streets of our neighborhood seeking respite from COVID-19 lockdown- that was reminiscent of the 80’s. It brought me back to windbreaker jackets, cotton short-shorts, belly tops, flying kites, and playing tag.
I imagine that it was the connection to these memories that then stirred to the surface the lyric “Pure Energy.” I started humming the old song… Thump, Thump, Thump… “Pure Energy.” I couldn’t remember the name of the song, who sang it, or what the other lyrics were, but I wanted to find out. I popped open my computer, and a few googles later… Jackpot!
Information Society’s, “What’s on Your Mind.” I was entertained by the superficial 80’s flavor of the video paired with lyrics that held a deeper meaning than what I’d expected. Take a listen and consider the simple relational wisdom in this song.
*If you can’t handle the cheesiness of the 80’s, just try to make it to the 2:30 mark. 😊
Isn’t it true? We want to know what’s behind the eyes of our partner, so that our love can grow.
There are many things going on inside each one of us at any given time. The beauty of partnership is the opportunity to build intimacy, to know our person at a level that others do not get to know them… and to be known by them in a way that others do not know us. We experience pleasure in building inside jokes and understandings that translate, at times, through a simple gesture or ‘look.’
So, why is it that we often find ourselves ‘in silence…with nothing else to say?’
Of course, there is no ‘one-size fits all’ answer to this question.
There are sometimes deep, compacted layers impacting why we may guard parts of our self and are unwilling to share. There may be patterns of reactivity that have built over time resulting in our disengagement rather than ongoing effort to take interest and invest in our partners.
All of these considerations have their place and often prove to be an important part of repairing, re-opening, and building new pathways for connection. That said, we are not going there today. It is important as we grow to not always be involved in deep diving. Sometimes the opportunities for desired change come with lighter, more playful energies.
Where are we going today?
Today, we are going to remember what often creates sparks of connection in the early phase of our relationship and consider how we can get them back.
What is it that we do early on?
Often, in our early relationship we are very curious and eager to get to know our partner. We want to understand what makes them tick. We experience similarities as invigorating ‘me too’ moments of resonance that spark connection. We naturally understand and feel understood. It is easy!
Differences are not barriers, but rather seem to stir mystical intrigue and appreciation. We enjoy being in the presence of those who have attractive qualities that are different from our own.
As the energy of the early conversations settle, we may feel like we know just about everything there is to know about our partner. We may run out of conversation topics and quit asking unique questions.
Of course, a part of this is a natural shift. We cannot keep up with the early pacing of building connection, and yet, we can benefit from remembering and re-establishing aspects of what made the connection take shape.
You do not want to lose sight of the loveliness of all that you’ve built together.
Let’s help you keep it alive!
The Pathway of Many Questions
The pathway of many questions can lead to fresh conversations and shared experiences.
There are many question sets that can open up ‘alive’ conversations... really there is no limit to where you can go with being curious about your partner.
We’re going to use my sharing at the beginning of this post to consider how a partner could respond to expand the conversation if their partner shared something similar.
There is nothing magical about these questions. The magic lies in that they are being asked.
Where did you live in the 80’s?
Did you like the 80’s? What did you like about the 80’s? What activities did you do in the 80’s?
What were your parents like back then? How did you feel about them as a child?
What kind of a house did you live in? Do you remember the smells of the home; what were they?
How did it feel to be inside your home? Do you remember your childhood bedroom?
Did you have favorite clothes, toys, snacks? Who were your friends? What were they like? How often did you get to spend time with them?
What were the high points of your life? Low points?
Did you have any ideas about what you wanted to do when you grew up?
Moving Away from Q & A- Let Organic Conversation Grow
I am not suggesting that you create a set of questions and take turns giving answers as though you are attending a couples workshop, but rather that you use these ideas to stir your own creative relational process. Take a chance! Explore what organic conversations open up if you risk sharing random stories from your life experiences, or ask and take interest as your partner shares their own.
Here I am in silence Looking round without a clue I find myself along again All alone with you I can see behind your eyes The things that I don't know If you hide away from me How can our love grow I wanna know What you're thinking There are some things you can't hide I wanna know What you're feeling Tell me what's on your mind I know I could break you down But what good would it do I could surely never know That what you say is true Here I am in silence It's a game I have to play You and I in silence With nothing else to say I wanna know What you're thinking There are some things you can't hide I wanna know What you're feeling Tell me what's on your mind I wanna know What you're thinking There are some things you can't hide I wanna know What you're feeling Tell me what's on your mind I wanna know What you're thinking There are some things you can't hide I wanna know What you're feeling Tell me what's on your mind Source: LyricFindSongwriters: Kurt Larson / Paul Jason RobbWhat's on Your Mind lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc