Sail Away with Me, Honey
My husband has been drawn to the sea for years. It is an interesting relationship he has with the sea, in that it tends to make him sick. Some of us might find ourselves pushing away from an experience that adds a challenge of becoming ill, but he just keeps coming back for more. I imagine he is drawn to the vastness of the great wide open, the adventure, the unknown, the uncharted.
Relationships can be a bit like trying to master a vessel in an unruly sea.
We don't always know what to expect, how this thing will go, how it will stand the test of time and changing conditions, and yet we are drawn to its intoxicating beauty.
We can feel all that it has to offer- that there are nuances of this human journey that can only be known through risking our hearts in connection with another human whom we are going to choose to know, love deeply, and share the voyage.
When we start out, we are novice sailors. We think we know some things about love. We often enter into relationship under the guise that passion and romance will carry us through. The intense waves of emotion in the 'honeymoon' phase of relationship can allow us to believe that anything else that comes up in life, we can conquer together with the magic of this shared passion. The problem is that research suggests that the intense passion is destined to wear off within a maximum of 18 short months.
We might be wise to use some of our passion to fuel learning about the rest of the ride. We can equip ourselves with wisdom and knowledge from those who have made it their life's work to learn about relationships and intimacy building so we are prepared to optimally navigate our vessel when the storms of life roll in.
My husband and I were limited in our know-how when we embarked on the wide open sea of love. We most certainly were a couple who hopped on our boat, and assumed we could figure it out as we went along.
I assure you that neither of us would advise that approach.
We were often trying to read maps, boat handbooks, and practice new skills all while navigating the storms of our first season of life as a couple. Somehow, we managed to pull it off, but our survival looked more like a crash on Gilligan's Island than a mighty voyage.
If your mate is a mighty sailing man, and you are brave and sure, I still recommend that you go in well-equipped, and that you remain humble enough to continue learning as you go.
There will always be new waters that you are choosing to enter, and ways that you can benefit from hearing from those who have traveled them before.
Sounds hard, why bother?
If love is meant to be, should it really be this hard? Of course, there are situations where the reality that certain conditions of a relationship are 'too hard' and warrant reflection around the potential benefit of bringing a relationship to end (when abuse is present, etc.). Most often, however, it is in accepting the difficulty level we're facing and equipping ourselves accordingly that we find our ways to some of the most remarkable places life has to offer.
The beauty of knowing and being known is unsurpassable. It is a still sea at sunset, a new land of adventure, the rainbow of a coral dive.
I am grateful for the years I've spent in the storms, and in restful seas of gratitude and shared reflection. I am grateful for my husband's nonsensical bravery of continuing to come back for more, even when he is getting sea sick. (Occasionally, I can have that effect ;). I am grateful that we've always somehow landed safely on an island to regroup when things were rough.
To my husband
Everyday, I choose to continue putting "my heart in your hands."
Enjoy listening to David Gray's 'Sail Away.'
Also, consider checking out the following resources to equip yourself for the journey.
The New Rules of Marriage (Terry Real)
The Gottman Institute (Gottman.com) *Many books and offerings here.
Hold Me Tight (Sue Johnson)
Sail Away David Gray
Sail away with me honey I put my heart in your hands Sail away with me honey now, now, now Sail away with me What will be will be I want to hold you now, now, now Crazy skies all wild above me now Winter howling at my face And everything I held so dear Disappeared without a trace Oh all the times I've tasted love Never knew quite what I had Little darling if you hear me now Never needed you so bad Spinning 'round inside my head Sail away with me honey I put my heart in your hands Sail away with me honey now, now, now Sail away with me What will be will be I want to hold you now, now, now I've been talking drunken gibberish Falling in and out of bars Trying to get some explanation here For the way some people are How did it ever come so far? Sail away with me honey I put my heart in your hands Sail away with me honey now, now, now Sail away with me What will be will be I want to hold you now, now, now Sail away with me honey I put my heart in your hands Sail away with me honey now, now, now Sail away with me What will be will be I want to hold you now, now, now Sail away with me honey I put my heart in your hands It'd break me up if you pulled me down, whoa Sail away with me What will be will be I want to hold you now, now, now Source: LyricFind Songwriters: David (gb2) Gray Sail Away lyrics © BMG Rights Management