Come and Get Your Love
Updated: May 17, 2020
Many of us seem to have a weak link to feeling authentically loved, fulfilled, connected, creative, inspired. We seem to be so busy pursuing the things that we have come to believe will produce ‘the good life,’ that I wonder if we might be missing it entirely.
How many of us are driven, hard-working, achievement oriented, always willing to go the extra mile? We’ll push ourselves for our kids, our career, our material pleasure, our financial future… maybe so much so that we’ll sacrifice our well-being and the quality of our connections in the pursuit.
Have we lost our ability to prioritize? Our ability to say no?
Many of us have become willing to extend our work hours, chase our kids to so many activities that we’re no longer helping them develop balanced lives that include a form of recreation and instead are burning them out; we’ll stretch our budget to the tune of taking out a second mortgage to fund kids’ activities, travel experiences, larger than necessary homes, and a variety of items we’ve come to believe we need.
When each day comes to close and we finally crash into our armchairs, we treat ourselves with toxic food and a Netflix series that allows us to check-out instead of check-in with ourselves.
We’re exhausted, uninspired, and losing our own race.
How did we get here?
And how do we get off our own god-forsaken merry-go-round?
I imagine those of us who read and identify with the above have strong positive intentions driving our behavior. We are determined to ‘succeed,’ and to assure our kids are positioned to do the same.
We want good things for ourselves, and for future generations. Of course, we’re willing to sacrifice. We’ll do anything for our little love nuggets.
But is there ever a point where we’ve gone too far? Where the cost/benefit ratio of our pursuits registers bankrupt?
Because we are motivated by our intentions and the visions attached to them, we sometimes fail to step back from our approach to life to reflect on how it’s working. We often cannot see how trying to have it all is leading us toward the loss of the most important things that are, so often, free.
Have we come to believe that we have to be a certain way, or engaged in a certain set of ‘doing’ activities in order to…
Can you answer that question? In order to, what? (Be loved, fit in, feel secure, be confident.) What is it that we’re trying to access, and why?
Fear of Failure and Rejection
I wonder if the thing that keeps us most stuck is the fear of what will happen if we drop out of the rat race. Will we be seen as failures and ostracized from desirable social communities? Or worse yet, will we truly be failures?
Many of us have come to define success as related to credentials and positions in our careers, material possessions, full social calendars, impressive vacations, chunky 401K or investment portfolios.
Years ago, a close friend shared with me one of her core operating questions… ‘How is that working?’
It’s interesting how often we fail to step back and consider how our approaches are working, and if they are not, what it would look like to adjust them.
One of the consequences to this action-packed, balls-to-the-wall approach to living appears to be the nervous system challenges it is creating, and the corresponding presence of anxiety, depression, and other health issues.
THE NERVOUS SYSTEM
When we live in circumstances that are constantly demanding things from us, our nervous systems may tend toward looping between sympathetic (fight/flight) and dorsal vagal (collapse/play dead) activity.
Do you find your nervous system chronically stuck in sympathetic activation as you work to deal with the pile of ‘to-do’s’ and demands in your life?
Do you find that after several days, or weeks your system then collapses into a vacant, nobody’s home, going through the motions, or even full non-functioning space for a shorter duration?
Our systems are not made to be chronically in fight or flight activation. When it becomes stuck in this space, it seems to naturally drop into a collapsed state to recover.
It makes sense, then, that those of us who struggle with anxiety/ depression are not always clear which problem we have. Most often, we have both. We have a nervous system that is losing touch with the loveliness that ventral vagal (safe and sound) activity brings to our life.
If we are going to feel better, we have to re-establish connection to our ventral vagal states, so we're not stuck looping in survival parts of our nervous system.
COME AND GET YOUR LOVE
Redbone's 1974 hit ‘Come and Get Your Love’ might get us thinking along the right track.
The meaning of the song seems to be in the ears of the beholder. Many, many interpretations.
For our purposes here, I am going to ask you to run this through a nervous system lens.
Let's think of the line, ‘What’s the Matter with Your Feel Right?’ as a question about our vagal nerve.
When we don’t have access to a well-toned vagal nerve, perhaps, because we’re lost in insecurity and chasing after trying to become enough, we lose connection to our ‘feel right.’
In all our pursuits, perhaps, we lose sight of the most basic invitation of the universe to ‘Come and Get Your Love.’
If the ‘main vine’ of love referenced in the song is not limited to the interpretation of (weed, LSD, sex), but is, instead understood as the vagus nerve’s ability to draw our awareness to the many forms of love, beauty and goodness all around us and within us- might we all have full access to vagal nerve activity.
We do not have to be limited to our ability to impress someone, have the right connection, be in a romantic relationship, have 2.2 kids, a house, and an impressive savings account. We need look no further than the sun shining, birds chirping out our window, a favorite song playing on the radio, beautiful art, a lovely story, yummy food, snuggling with a pet, or fun with a friend.
What if we are turning ourselves into human doings who think they must perform well enough or accumulate enough to access the things of the good life instead of remembering we are human beings? What if, as human beings, we already have full access. What if we have full access to making connections with the beauty all around us. What if the universe is calling each of us to, ‘Come and Get Your Love?’
Come and Get Your Love Redbone Hail (hail) What's the matter with your head, yeah Hail (hail) What's the matter with your mind And your sign an-a, oh-oh-oh Hail (hail) Nothin' the matter with your head Baby, find it, come on and find it Hail, with it, baby 'Cause you're fine And you're mine, and you look so divine Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love Hail (hail) What's the matter with you feel right Don't you feel right baby Hail, oh yeah Get it from the main vine, all right I said-a find it, find it Go on and love it if you like it, yeah Hail (hail) It's your business if you want some, take some Get it together baby Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love, now Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love, now Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love, now Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love, now Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love Hail (hail) What's the matter with you feel right Don't you feel right baby Hail, oh yeah Get it from the main vine, all right Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love Come and get your love Source: LyricFind Songwriters: Lolly Vegas Come and Get Your Love lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC